- Peter "The Smirking Devil" Costello finally announced he will be not be seeking re-election at the next Federal Election. However, don't hold your breath because he may do a "Colin Barnett" pretty close to Mr. Rudd anouncing the date of the next election. That's right folks, "I will serve in the best interests of my party, if they wish me to" and little Peter would probably want to be elected "unopposed". Keep following this line of stories. The marathan has begun and the factional warriors within the Liberal Party are stockpiling their samurai swords.
- The matter of the "fake email" Ozcar controversy was finally revealed. Mr Godwin Grech is in fact, not an earthly being, yes that's right he is from planet Zirgon, which Tony Abbott used to live in when he was a teenage kid, and I think Wilson "Mad Uncle" Tuckey also frequently visits from time to time. On a more positive note, at least Senator Eric "Sincere" Abbetz actually apologised for the whole circus show. Malcolm "It is not my fault" Turnbull seems seriously out of depth and already some scheming is going on behind his back in terms of who a better leader could be. Senator Nick "Ambrosi the Laughing Assassin" Minchin is a snake and puppeteer, Andrew "Backstabber" Robb is far from a "pair of safe hands", he is a factional warlord, aligned with Ambrosi; Joe "Obese" Hockey, keep dreaming; Tony "Elephant Ears" Abbott, I think the only person who likes you is yourself; Julie "Wikipedia" Bishop has to go as she has the worst poll internal poll ratings apart from Malcom "Malicious" Turnbull; Christopher "Nasal Voice" Pyne is not leadership material. I think the best chance at the next Federal election would be to bring back John Hewson, Andrew Peacock, or even someone like Malcom Fraser.
- This whole trivial debate on climate change is turning into a bloody circus. The Greens, whose committed votebank consists of trees, living animals, oceans and mountains, are doing a great deal of harm to their own constituency by not supporting a commitment for action on climate change. Ironically, the Liberal party is the one accussing the ALP of "putting an unecessary tax burden on the people of Australia" and "ensuring that the next generation of Australians remain unemployed". The ALP, on the other hand is ensuring that "it wants to work with business" to ensure its proposed Carbon Emissions system works in harmony with business interests and keeps people in jobs. Unthinkable, Bob Hawke and Paul Keating must be having sleepless nights. The Opposition is still divided over this issue, some saying that there are four seasons in the year (summer, winter, autumn and spring) while some argue that"the climate change argument is put forward by mad scientists". They want to wait until November and see whether or not Turnbull makes a blunder before stabbing him in the back like Julius Caesar. There are many Brutus's around Turnbull (the two prominent ones are Minchin and Robb).
- The coverage of attacks on Indian students in Australia by the Indian media is nothing short of sabre-rattling. Headlines such as "Australia is a racist country" is alarming. Whatever happened to "impartial journalism" ? Seems to have been thrown out the window! There are a number of issues causing this situation: lack of regulation of the international student market, track record of supposed "education colleges" etc.. Australia is a peaceful nation, there is just a minority of "thugs" who are the remnants of Australian nationalism from the "White Australia" policy of the early 1970's.
- "I can confirm that Mohammed Nordin Top is dead" .................... or not. With modern technology you can expect it to pinpoint who the bad guys are. Not in the case of the Indonesian police who had to back down from the claim that South East Asia's most wanted Islamic terrorist had been killed in a police shootout.
- In a surprising development, Bill Clinton, the former US President, flew to Pyongyang, North Korea to secure the release of two young Korean-Americans. Unfortunately, he performed this delicate mission with his "pants on" this time.
- The military junta of Burma/Myanmar has sentenced Aung San Suu Kyi, the rightful Prime Minister, to a further 18 months house arrest over a rather bizarre incident in which an American man named John Yettaw, 43 "swam across the river to get into the resident of Suu Kyi". Why is there even a trial proceeding against her? Did she compromise the national security of Burma by letting in to her place a man who wanted to talk to her? I think it was merely a poltical case designed to keep her imprisoned so that she cannot stand for elections in next year's "shame elections" which will ensure the military maintains its tight grip on power. It would be great public relations to send William "Mad Uncle" Tuckey to take stock of the whole situation and give his piece of mind about the military clique ruling the country and then maybe he could be imprisoned for life, never to return to Australia. In his heart of hearts, Malcom "Malicious" Turnbull would be delighted with that prospect.
- Sarah Palin is eyeing the Presidential race for 2012. During her brief hiatus in the public arena, various Facebook groups such as "I have more foreign policy experience than Sarah Palin" started to be established, revealing the real face and character of Sarah "I'm just a hockey mum" Palin. She should quit the race now, as she is a proven stumbler at momenous ocassions and has produced some golden moments such as "When I get up in the morning, I open my window and what do I see? Russians throwing stones at me!". She should give up trying to be a Presidential candidate and become an Ambassador to Antartica, or even Ambassader to Planet Mars. Just thought of something better, Ambassador to the Bermuda Triangle - yep, that's right, because then no trace of her will ever be found (cause of death: vanished without a trace). Then that will add to whole debate about climate change. The sceptics will be converted.
- Kim Jong "Very Ill" Ill is reportedly planning to handover the leadership of North Korea to youngest son, Kim Jong Nam, 26. With daddy keeping an eye on him, the poor guy will have his work cut out for him: no nightclubbing, no listening to American music or chasing American women, no drinking alcohol. We have witnessed or are witnessing the changing hands of regional despots, such as Fidel Castro to brother Raul Castro in Cuba, Muammar Gaddafi to his son Mohammed in Libya and Hosni Mubarak to son Gamal Mubarak in Egypt. Egypt is an amusing case, because the voting public is spoilt for choice between two very good candidates. That's right: Gamal Mubarak v Gamal Mubarak. He is ensured to have 100% success at the elections. Brings whole new meaning to the phrase "following in the fathers' footsteps".
- China's political leadership needs to promote the younger generation. We have Who? and When? serving in the current positions of Chairman of the Communist Party and Premier, respectively. How about a few more others such as: How? Why? Where? What? That would be great, because then all the most important questions of this century would be answered.
- Pakistan has admitted that millitants from their territory have been launching attacks on India. Living the good life in the tribal areas of Pakistan, they are amused by the American drone attacks. "They killed Osama number 2 yesterday in Tora Bora, but I am alive and kicking. We are gonna party the night off with our ISI brethren tonight", said Osama bin Laden, reportedly from the back of the residence of retired General Pervez Musharaf's mansion in New York.
That's the latest round of local and international news. Till next time, I bid you farewell. You can read more of the latest news headlines in my next blog post.
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